Soul Songs

Off to Sleep - Cœur De PirateFly on you Golden Girl and take on your fearsI'll be with you in your dreams, the world is darker than it seems.

Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons
Your grace is wasted in your face, your boldness stands alone among the wreck

Hurricane - Lisa Loeb
I'm a lightheaded wonder, don't you see my mind slow down?

To Build a Home - The Cinematic Orchestra

I climbed the tree to see the world. When the gusts came around to blow me down I held on as tightly as you held on to me.

Thistle and Weeds - Mumford & Sons
Plant your hope with good seeds, don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds.
Rain down, rain down on me.
Look over your hills and be still, the sky above us shoots to kill

Daffodil Lament - The Cranberries

All night long laid on my pillow. I can't sleep here.

The Haze - Echos

I only wanted to see what lies within your eyes, open your eyes.

Home - Ellie Goulding

On my own, no poison in my bones. On my own, this is where I build my home.

Magnolia - The Hush Sound

You're weathered and worn, your petals soft and torn.

Sit back and breathe deep.

An insightful person told me personally after only meeting me once. "Your soul needs to fly, it needs to thrive and play."

This year I've done things I never thought I'd be able to do. I've achieved things I never thought I'd even have the opportunity to achieve. I've met some amazing people and have learnt so much about myself.

I've moved back into my own flat.

I've erased all that unnecessary poison in my life.

I've learnt to be fine with who I am because I'm pretty amazing.

I'm a young heart. I know I can be far too childish, and I know it would make a lot of the people in my life so much more comfortable if I were to grow up just a little bit but frankly...I don't need to.

I'm older now then I've ever been, I can support myself, I can look after myself. I'm happy in my skin. I'm happy in myself. 2014 hasn't been a particularly spectacular year, but it's been a rewarding one.

My face, My hair.

My hair is literally my pride and joy. Any one who knows me will know how much I love and adore my hair colour and hair in general. I fall out with it on a daily basis (mainly because I get too warm or it gets in the way.) but like any successful relationship, we overcome these trivial matters with kindness and care. Do I sound crazy yet?
Only recently have I started to grow out and abandon the idea of a fringe. As body positivity increases and I'm starting to accept the little things that before I wanted to conceal, I've taken away the curtain that shadowed my face and now flaunt what I have to the max! I have eyes! Who knew!?
As for the length and style of my hair, I honestly don't care if my hair is a mess of curls and which-way waves and flicks. I'd rather have this untamed, wild, natural hair that I have over the sleek perfection of crisp curls or poker straight locks. It's just not me! The haphazzard unkempt mane of mine is an extension of myself and I wouldn't change it for the world (apart from maybe being a bit longer, even if everyone says its too long now.)

The Mind is a Dangerous Place

Ever woken up in tears? Ever had to lie back down and convince yourself it was just a dream while your scumbag of a brain begs to differ?

Last night was one of those nights. A dream both vivid and ridiculous woke me up in cold sweats and tears this morning around 6am. It was one of those dreams that couldn't be real, no matter what happened it could.not.be.real. But when you wake up it's almost like a memory, not a fantasy. Like it's actually happened and you're dealing with the consequences as you lie awake struggling to breathe.

I dream't of waking up in my old room due to my heart hammering audibly in my chest, painfully. A rhythmic pounding almost like a drum beat. It drew me awake and it drew me to my feet till I was gasping for breath, falling through my door and down the stairs.

At the bottom of the stairs, my Father. On his back with a bag over his head and broken glass next to him. He shifted when he heard me and the bag was instantly off and my brain had remembered that guilt ridden face he'd given me when Mum had passed away so vividly that when he looked up at me in that dream...I honestly believed it was him. It was my father trying to suffocate himself.
At that moment I wanted to wake up. I wanted to wake up so bad, but in my dream I kept reasoning with myself. "I have to fix this. I have to prevent this." I can remember running into the kitchen and emptying every bottle of alcohol down the sink. I remember throwing those bottles against the brick wall in the back garden. I remember screaming at my dad in my dream and only when I was sure all the alcohol in my mind had gone did I wake up in tears, shaking. I was so shaken I was only a button away from calling dad to make sure he was still alive.
But I breathed, and I remembered where I was and I remembered talking him only 6 hours before and I calmed down and fell back asleep.

Only to be hit by another dream when it was someone else trying to kill us both. Thankfully this one was ridiculous enough that after waking up I was only hit with paranoia and nothing else.

I think I can figure out where these dreams came from, recently I've been feeling hypersensitive to any mention of death for some reason. It keeps festering these heart wrenching memories of Mum and dreams like this certainly won't help.

But still, your mind is a dangerous place. Don't underestimate it.

A Whole New World

Well why not start a blog!? Looks like fun to me!